We are going to Florida for Memorial Day Weekend.
We are driving from Ft. Lauderdale to Ft. Myers.
I am worried about breaking down in the middle of the wang-y part,
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where there is a vast expanse of fucking nothing and getting raped by crazy swampbillies (attractive when they are really trust fund kids who are seeing The Cramps and have impressive pompadours, not so much when they're single-toothed and into raping you) or eaten by a python or something.
I have bought cheap beach wear. In my mind, I will look like this but in reality I always end up looking more like this. The one consolation is that the folks depicted in the second picture look like they're more up for piña coladas. The other one probably drinks half a glass of sparkling wine and proclaims to the nearest bro how totally wasted she is, and how she hasn't been this drunk since she was taking her gap year in Uzbekistan. I hate you, bitch.
I might have my period while I'm in Florida, so if I don't ever update again, it's because I got eaten by a shark.